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Waiheke Island, NZ

Emotional Pain and Trauma
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Emotional Pain and Trauma

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We all have it. To varying degrees. 

It rears it's ugly head in the face of a trigger. 

What's a trigger....something or someone that sets off a memory. Often a memory of pain or trauma. Sometimes something we're not even aware of in the conscious mind. A trigger can take you right back to the intensity of the emotion you felt at the time of the pain or trauma. Sometimes it's carried through from past lives or even our ancestors. Often manifesting in the physical body in the form of disease. And sometimes passed down to our children.

Let's be with that for a moment....give it space to's huge. 

Is this what we want?  It’s certainly not what I want.  And what feels even more uncomfortable is when we don’t own our triggers.  When we go into blame and judgement and project our pain onto the other.  A protection mechanism to keep our pain neatly tucked away in our bodies.

Another way of protecting our pain is to numb ourselves or use avoidance techniques.

What are avoidance techniques?  Eating, drinking, smoking, TV, smartphones, drugs, social media, exercise, keeping busy, cleaning, blaming, projecting, defending, justifying and the list goes on.  We’ve all used one or the other at some point in time.

Another protection mechanism is to identify as pain or trauma.  Or even identify as the disease (dis-ease) we’ve manifested in the body.  Latching on to the identity and feeding the inner victim or ‘poor me’.

Sometimes our pain is protected by anger.  If this is the case then we need to move the anger in a safe and healthy way (not by projecting it onto the other).  And usually underneath the anger we’ll find pain.

So how do we move through our pain?  We need to FEEL it.  Ideally feel it from the outset.  We need to feel it….and feel it….and feel it….and FEEL it until until we are so exhausted it just isn’t there anymore.  It takes the most courageous being to feel pain.  To drop deeply into vulnerability and feel.  Especially when we, especially those of us in male bodies, are heavily conditioned against vulnerability.  “Real men don’t cry”. And not only men but women are also shamed for being vulnerable. 

Some of us are completely detached from our pain and trauma.  It can be so deeply embedded in our unconscious.  We have no idea it’s there until we reach trigger point.  This is where it can be a little more difficult to access.  Sometimes we can go into our pain, feel it and move through it on our own.  But sometimes we need help.  Perhaps it’s just someone to hold space and to witness.  Sometimes we need gentle probing.  Sometimes we need clear, dark feedback given with love.  Sometimes we need to go back into past lives and sometimes to need to visit our ancestral lines.

There are many different modalities to support this process.  It’s a matter of tuning in and looking at what you’re feeling drawn to.  If you’re feeling to reach out please don’t hesitate to contact me.  Perhaps you’ll feel drawn to me or maybe I can point you in another direction.

Our children need us to heal ourselves.

Our planet needs us to heal ourselves.

And most of all we need us to heal ourselves.

Create that pathway to self love.


Written with love.

As much for me as for you.